NEWS: Only black man at Oscars basically just award valet


Chris Rock, the host of this year’s Oscars, effectively a valet for white people’s awards.

“It was great that a black man could at least be on stage,” said one actress, “because we needed some comic relief.”

Best Director was won by Latino Alejandro González Iñárritu but their underrepresentation is less important as there is no cool slogan to highlight it.


NEWS: Nation horrified PMQs not just rubbish comedy panel show


Prime Minister’s Questions is a real thing about actual politics, it has been revealed.

“You are taking the piss,” said Tara, 45, an IT consultant from Slough. “I didn’t realise that was the actual Prime Minister.”

Following the “your Mum” jokes fashionable amongst teenagers in the late 90s, next week Dara Ó Briain will host a three-hour version edited to make it a seem spontaneous and off-the-cuff.

NEWS: Jeb! outfoxes Trump with ‘Make America Really Great Again’ Campaign


Governor Jeb! has outplayed Donald Trump by undermining his slogan ‘Make America Great Again’ with his new slogan ‘Make America Really Great Again’.

“Why should we settle for merely making America great, Donald?” asked Jeb!. “I want to make America really great again.

“We were once really great. We can be again. We shouldn’t settle for mere greatness but aim for, er, reallily greatness. Yes that’s a word.”

The audience at the new announcement for the slogan were unaware Jeb! was speaking however.